…what on earth am I on about now? I think most people who know me would think that those words aren’t even in my vocabulary. Generally I always aim to be as good as possible at anything I do, and strongly dislike (because “hate” is such a strong word) not being where I feel I should be, skill-wise.
As for my photography, I had an art block for the longest time because I felt I wasn’t good enough, and because of things that were said. And then I felt uninspired, like I had nothing else to photograph, nothing I had left. I knew it was far from perfect, but still the best I could do. And that was a pity, since that’s kind of what I do when travelling.
But then I started going through my photos again in order to figure out which I should upload here. 2500 became 1500 and then 1000, and I aim to cull the collection to maximum 100 before I even think about making a photography gallery here. At that point I realised that no, I hadn’t actually taken that really good photo of waves, or of the sunset. They were good, yes, but I could do better.
In other words, the hunt for a good photo of this and that is not over. And that’s a good thing. For one because I love to photograph. I may not always find the best composition or subject matter, but I’m learning, and I love just doing it. I have a purpose still, something to aim for.
Secondly, it means that I have finally started to detach myself a bit more from my photos just since I am able to see it, and able to leave out photos I actually like (but which I like because of the memories and the idea of what the picture could have been like, not because of the actual quality).
We live and learn, and it’s good to have somewhere to go that’s not an immensely long way ahead. It’s also good to find peace with not being good enough, and to realise that this means having a perfect reason to devote time to it. If you have nothing to improve, why bother?
In a short while I’ll probably go back to being a self-critical perfectionist who would like nothing better than to be fantastically skilled at everything, but for now I’ll try to savour this feeling as long as I can. It would probably do me good to try to apply it to my other creative pursuits. After all, if you don’t like the process of doing it, why spend so much time on doing it well when there are so many other things you could do? Perhaps we (I) should try not to be so goal-oriented in everything we do.
Well, enough talk. I’m going out to photograph some waves.